


If I leave, I'll come crawling back

by mishamigos



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Abusive Dean Winchester, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bottom Castiel, Bottom Castiel/Top Dean Winchester, Break Up, Dean gets what he deserves, M/M, Sad Castiel, Smut, Top Dean Winchester
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-13
Updated: 2018-12-14
Packaged: 2019-09-17 07:12:26
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 3,739
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16970118
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mishamigos/pseuds/mishamigos
Summary: Castiel has no idea what to do about his problem





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback is appreciated!  
> tags will change throughout the story  
> hope you guys enjoy!

“You’re mine, Castiel,” Dean said, for probably the millionth time that night.

 

“I know- ahhh! Right there!” Cas shouted as Dean hit that sweet spot he knew so well.     
  


“You’re mine and nobody else’s, because no one else will ever want you like I do.”  

 

Dean was balls deep inside Castiel and that is all Cas could think about.  All he could feel was Dean, touching him in every way imaginable. Cas enjoyed these times greatly.  The times when Dean wasn’t drunk out of his mind, or when he was so high that he didn’t even acknowledge Castiel was ever there.  

 

When Dean changed the angle of his thrusts, he hit Cas square in the prostate, and with a shout, he painted the black sheets under him white.  He heard Dean groan behind him, and then he felt the all too familiar wetness coat his insides. 

 

Dean collapsed next to him, and not even five seconds after, Cas heard him quietly snoring.  He turned to face him. Cas looked at the beautiful galaxies of freckles littering his nose and cheeks.  His dark lashes resting under his eyes. His perfect, dirty dish blonde hair. Everything was perfect about this man… At least physically.  

 

Dean and Castiel have been together for about three years now.  Cas has broken up with him about fifteen times in their whole relationship.  It was very complicated, Dean was a very successful businessman who just so happen to be a millionaire too.  Castiel, was a quiet cat person who lived on the corner of Oak and Main street who just so happen to bump into the mysterious man on the way to the flower shop.  Dean intrigued him, and he intrigued Dean, so they started dating. 

 

Just about six months into their serious relationship, is when Dean showed his mean side.  He had beaten Castiel up for accidentally dropping a plate and shattering it when he was making breakfast.  He had been so scary, Cas actually feared for his life. There is not another feeling like being at the total mercy of your fellow human being.  It was fucking terrifying. 

 

Dean had slapped Cas across the face, leaving a big red mark for the rest of the day.  

 

That seemed to happen a lot, too.  Dean had said that he liked it when he saw how Cas begged him not to beat him.  

He had said it was satisfying.  

 

Cas broke up with him when it got particularly brutal, once.  Dean had beaten him so bad, that his stomach was aching from just holding in the vomit that he knew would get him in trouble.  His stomach was littered with bruises, and now, some of them were scars. 

 

It scared the hell out of him.  

 

So he broke up with him.  Attempted, at least. 

 

Castiel was too afraid that Dean might beat the hell out of him if he said it to his face, so he left a note.  A note that said:

Dear Dean,

I am sorry, but I cannot do it anymore.  I’m tired of all of it. I’m tired of being afraid of you whenever you come home from an extra bad day at work… I’m always terrified that you’ll actually one day kill me, so, I’m leaving.  I’m so sorry. I love you.

Sincerely,

Castiel Novak 

 

He went back to Dean the next day.  You couldn’t blame him, though. Dean was very convincing.  He had said that he’d change. He had said that he was so sorry an that he’d never do something to hurt him.  

 

When Cas went back, Dean had made sweet, sweet love to him, and he had Castiel convinced that he was really going to change… He didn’t.  

 

Dean had beaten him shitless the morning after.  

 

Cas has learned what Dean does, and what he doesn’t like.  Dean doesn’t like it when Castiel asks questions, of any kind.  Dean does like it when Castiel does whatever Dean says, even if it be ‘I want you to suck my dick until you don’t have a gag reflex anymore.’

 

Cas had his dick in his mouth for four fucking hours!

 

He honestly wished he could go back in time so he could tell his past self to ignore the beautiful man flirting with him.  He wished he could show his past self what road that would lead him down. 

 

But it was too fucking late.  Now, it was too. Fucking. Late.  

 

Castiel started crying.  Crying for the life he never got, or will get to have.  No matter what, he will always come crawling back to Dean Winchester.  Because he loved Dean Winchester. But Dean Winchester… Didn’t love him. 


	2. Chapter 2

The next morning, Cas slipped out of bed.  Dean was already gone, off to work. His job included him spending most of his time in the office.  He was doing that, or criticizing Cas for another mistake he had made, something simple like not getting a smudge off of a small spoon when he cleaned the dishes.  

 

Castiel went to the bathroom to take a shower.  He stripped out of his boxers and jumped in, turning on the shower head and letting the hot spray loosen the tense muscles in his back.  He just stood there with his eyes closed, totally relaxed. He started humming a tune, he didn’t know what it was, though. It seemed familiar, like it was something he heard in his childhood. 

 

Cas shrugged, and kept on humming.  Then, it came to him, the words.

 

_ The other night, dear _

_ As I lay sleeping _

_ I dreamed I held you, _

_ In my arms _

_ When I awoke, dear _

_ I was mistaken _

_ So I hung my head and I cried. _

 

His mother used to sing it to him.  When he was just a little boy, he remembered.  It was a particularly loud thunder storm. He cried until his mother,  Amelia Novak, came in and sang it to him until he fell asleep. 

 

He continued humming it, until he heard a door slam and someone shout at him from the other side of the shower curtain.  

 

“Castiel! Shut your trap until I come and do it myself!” Dean shouted.  

 

Huh.  Cas didn’t even hear him come in.  Maybe he decided he wanted the day off.  That wasn’t a good sign. 

 

Cas got out of the shower, and put some normal clothes on, then he went out to look for Dean.  

 

“You’re back early,” Cas said as he walked into the Kitchen to prepare food for him.  

 

“Do you have a problem with that?” Dean said, sternly.

 

“No, not at all,” Cas replied quickly, maybe too quickly for Dean’s liking.

 

“You are one ungrateful little shit, aren’t you?” Dean stepped closer to him.  

 

Cas’s heart started pumping faster.  “I’m sorry, Dean.”

 

“And you always say  _ ‘I’m sorry, Dean.  Don’t worry, I’m still a little slut for you.’   _ My god, Castiel, get a grip,”  Dean sneered, stepping even closer.

 

Castiel gulped, and Dean slapped him.

 

“You’re so fucking dumb, Castiel!  Why can’t you be like Lisa, my God!”  Cas grimaced.

 

Lisa was Dean’s go- to when Cas was too injured to have any type of sex.  She was his submissive, and that is who he always talks about, especially when Dean decided Cas needed the extra punishment.  

 

“Just go! Get out of my face before I punch the shit out of it,” Castiel couldn’t move.  “Go!”

 

Cas ran the hell out of the kitchen,  and he couldn’t help the tears that started pooling in his eyelids.  Why can’t he just be good to Dean. Why did he have to be so dumb, like Dean had said. 

 

Castiel didn’t want to be Castiel anymore.  

 

God, he hated his life.  But he just had to get through today, only today.  That is what he told himself, to take it one bit at a time, and right now, he only needed to get through today.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The song is called 'You are my sunshine' by Jasmine Thompson


	3. Chapter 3

As Castiel sat on his bed in their room, he cried.  He wished that Dean loved him. Maybe if he left this time, Dean won’t stop him.  Maybe he will have the opportunity to see his mother and father, and maybe even his siblings.  Damn, he missed them. He hasn’t seen any of them since he got back together with Dean for the last time.  

 

Maybe, just maybe, he’ll get to see them.  He wants to see them, but Dean won’t be happy about that.  

 

He hated that Dean can just walk into his life and take everything like he owned him.  He technically did, by the way he treated him. 

 

He didn’t like it, one bit.  

 

Cas thought he should go out.  He deserved it. He wanted to go out and drink until he couldn’t think anymore.  Maybe that will cure everything. Just a glass of alcohol. He should! Dean didn’t own him!   He was his own person!

 

He went through the same thinking process every time they fought.  And he never got the confidence to even walk out of the door. 

 

Then, he heard the bedroom door open.  Dean walked over to him, and stood a few feet in front of him.  “Castiel, get undressed.”

 

Cas did.  He always did.  

 

Dean stepped over to him.  “You know, Castiel, that I’m the only person that would ever want you, right?”

 

Cas nodded.  He did know that.  Dean had been saying that to him since Dean showed him his true colors.  And guess what? Castiel actually was starting to believe that horrible lie. 

 

He heard a zipper undo behind him, and then he felt the blunt head of Dean’s dick on his hole.  

 

“You’re a dirty, dirty slut for me, huh Cas?”  Dean thrust into him, bottoming out without any preparation.  

 

Cas screamed.  It burned. 

 

“Ohh, so tight for me, Cas,” Dean pulled out, and thrust back in roughly.  

 

This repeated until Dean released inside of Cas, groaning his way through his orgasm.  Cas didn’t come. This time hurt way too much for him. 

 

Dean got up and zipped his pants back up and left the room after that, leaving Castiel naked, with tears streaming down his face. 

 

A few minutes later, which honestly felt like hours, passed by, and Cas slowly got up.  He was already feeling sore. Not the good kind of sore. He carefully put on his pajamas, and crawled into bed.  

 

He had a dream that night.  He had a dream about flying.  Flying far, far away into the sky.  He felt free. Free from Dean. Free from pain.  Free from sadness. He flew through the clouds and looked down at the ground, and smiled.  He hadn’t smiled in so long it felt weird even in his dreams. 

 

He had a peaceful rest of his night.  Without any Dean to interrupt him. 


	4. Chapter 4

Castiel woke up.  He wished he didn’t, but he only had to get through today.  Just take it one bit at a time. 

 

He crawled out of bed, going to brush his teeth, still a bit sore from last night.  He closed the door to the bathroom, just in case Dean comes back like yesterday. He didn’t want that to happen again, not like it hasn’t happened before, though.  

 

If Dean was out today, he could probably get away with going out, can he?  Most likely not, but it’s worth a try, right?

 

Castiel got dressed.  A simple suit with a beige trench coat.  He walked down the flight of stairs and down the hallway to the front room, and stood in front of the overdramatic double doors.  He reached for the door handle, and then the worst imaginable thing happened. Dean walked in. 

 

“What the hell?” Dean yelled as he stood in the doorway,  looking at Cas’s horrified face. “Were you trying to leave?”

 

“N-no, Dean, why would I ever do that?” Cas stuttered.

 

Dean walked into the house and right up into Castiel’s personal space.  “You know how I feel about lying, right?”

 

Cas nodded.  

 

“Are you lying, were you trying to leave?”

 

Cas nodded.  

 

Dean slapped him across the face, harder than he has ever done in a long time.  Cas fell to the ground. “I thought you learned this a long time ago! Never leave!”

 

“I’m sorry, Dean.  I won’t leave you, ever.”

 

“NO!  If I have to beat it into your brain to know the rules, then I will beat it into your brain!”   Dean kicked him in the stomach, causing all the air to leave Castiel’s lungs. 

 

Dean kicked him again before he could recover.  And again, and again. Cas started coughing up blood, Dean didn’t notice.  

 

He started kicking upward, toward his head.  “You. Will. Never. Leave. Me!” Dean said, in time with his kicks.  “I am the only one who will ever want you!”

 

Cas started seeing black spots dancing in his vision, then everything in his vision, faded.  

 

+*+

 

Castiel woke up hearing this annoying beeping sound.  He waited a few seconds, waiting for it to stop, but it wouldn’t.  It was getting really annoying. He opened his eyes. It was way to bright!  Despite the brightness, though, he held his eyes open and forced everything to go into focus.  He was in a hospital room, alone. 

 

The beeping was his heart monitor.  

 

He looked around, Dean wasn’t here, but the doorknob started jiggling, and a not- so- friendly looking nurse came in.  She had a heart shaped face with dark, curled hair laying on her shoulders. 

 

“I’m nurse Meg, how are you feeling, sweetie?”  the nurse asked, pulling out a clipboard.

 

“Like shit,” he grumbled out.

 

She wrote on her clipboard.  “Well, you have a small concussion, I recommend not doing anything too crazy for a few days.  You should have the power to check yourself out today.” 

 

“What about Dean,” Cas asked without telling himself he could.  

 

“You’re boyfriend?” she asked.  “He’s at work, said something urgent came up.  He’s worried sick about you, said you hit your head pretty hard falling down the stairs.”

 

Cas nodded.  So that is the excuse he had for beating the shit out of him this time.  

 

Cas was utterly done.  He was done. After this, he would check himself out, because he was a grown ass man that could take care of himself.  Dean was not his parent, or anyone that had control over him. 

 

He was going to leave.  For good. He was going to go out to a bar and find someone that is worthy of him, because Dean sure wasn’t.  

 

The nurse walked out, and he found the power to get up.  He saw his normal clothes on the chair next to him. He grabbed them, went into the bathroom, and changed.  His head hurt like a bitch, though. 

 

He went to the front desk.  “Hey, I’m checking out.”

 

“Name,” the grouchy looking woman said.

 

“Castiel Novak.”

 

The lady clicked on her computer, and a few seconds later came the reply.  “You’re good to go.”

 

Cas walked out.  He finally walked out the front door.  He made it this time. He pulled out his phone from his pocket and called a taxi.  

 

He was free.    


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is really short, but lucky for you guys, I have no life so I'll be updating a lot.

Cas arrived at a bar.  He pulled out his phone, and clicked Dean’s number.  

 

**Cas:** Dean, I’m officially breaking up with you.  I don’t care how much you tell me to come back, I’m gone for good.  Have a good life.

 

He sent the message.  He was officially a free man.  He was free to flirt with whoever he wanted, date whoever he wanted.  

 

Then his phone buzzed.  

 

**Dean:**  Cas, baby.  Please come back.  I need to talk to you.  I’m totally lost without you.  

 

Cas shook his head.  He couldn’t let Dean get into his head again.  Not again. 

 

**Cas:** I’m sorry, Dean.  I’m sick and tired of getting beat, and I’m sick of being manipulated by you.  Goodbye.

 

**Dean:** Come back, baby.  I won’t beat you anymore.  You are the love of my life.  I love you so much. 

 

Cas choked off a sob.  Dean didn't love him. Dean didn’t love him.  Don’t think like that. You can’t go back, Cas told himself.  

 

**Dean:**  I love you more than you’ll ever know, Cas.  I love you so much. And you’ll break me if you leave me now.  Please, come back. 

 

Cas turned off his phone.  He couldn’t let Dean get into his head. 

 

He wasn’t going to lose this time.

 

Cas looked around.  There were only a few people around.  He called the bartender to him, and asked for a beer.  

 

“Breakup?” a voice asked.

 

Cas looked up.  A man stood there, he had a bushy beard and a cajun accent.  “Something like that, yeah.”

 

“Well,  I’m Benny.  If you need to talk about anything, I’ll be here,”  Benny slid the beer across the countertop. 

 

Cas smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes.  He couldn’t talk about this to anyone. He couldn’t let Dean go to jail.  No matter how bad he beat him, he couldn’t let the man go to jail. 

 

When Cas finished his beer, he paid Benny a tip, and decided he was going to see someone he hasn’t seen in a while.  His brother, Gabriel.

 


	6. Chapter 6

Castiel knocked on the door.  No one answered, so he knocked again.  Then, he heard footsteps walking down stairs, then the door clicked open.  

 

“Hello, Gabriel,” Cas said, he hadn’t said that name in a long time.

 

“Cassie?” Gabriel asked.  

 

“Hello-”

 

“What are you doing here?” Gabe cut him off.  

 

“Um… Well, I came to see you.”

 

Gabe stepped out.  “Oh, so now you want to talk to me?  Hmm, and the last time something like that happened was like, two years ago?”

 

Cas visibly flinched at that.  That was the last time he broke up with Dean.  

 

“Gabe, let me explain, please.”

“Let’s hear it, what happened with Dean this time, huh?”  Gabe sneered in his face. 

 

“He gave me a concussion, and I left.”

 

Gabe stopped at that.  “He hurt you? Like physically?”

 

Cas nodded.  

 

Gabe’s face fell at that, and guilt covered his features.  “I’m sorry, Cassie. I didn’t know.” Gabriel brought him into a hug, and Cas didn’t know he was crying until Gabe said,  “Cassie, don’t cry, don’t cry. I’m here, don’t worry baby brother.”

 

Gabe brought him into his house and seated Cas on his comfortable couch and went to make him tea.  

 

Cas looked around.  Gabe has changed up the living room.  He got some new furniture, and a new lamp.  

 

Gabe walked back into the living room with a fresh cup of tea, and handed it to Cas.  

 

Cas sipped at the tea as Gabe pulled a blanket around him.  

 

“Do you need anything?”  Cas shook his head.

 

Gabe turned on a nature documentary and left Castiel to finish his tea.  Once he did, Gabe took the empty cup and Cas fell asleep on his brother’s couch.  

  
  


In the morning, had fifteen missed calls from Dean.  He really shouldn’t call back, but he couldn’t help but feel the need to at least text him.  So he did.

 

**Cas:**  Dean, I wanted to let you know that I’m okay.

 

Castiel sent the message.  It was only a few seconds later that he got a reply.  

 

**Dean:**  Baby, I need you.  Where are you so I can pick you up and bring you home?

 

He couldn’t tell Dean where he is, or else he will just track him down.  The whole point of this is to get away from Dean, right? 

 

**Cas:**  I can’t tell you where I am, Dean.  I broke up with you. You aren’t in control over me anymore, sorry.  

 

Dean tried calling him again, but he ignored it.  If he heard Dean’s voice right now, he will just go running back like he always did.  

 

He wasn’t ever going back to Dean Winchester.  


	7. Chapter 7

Castiel awoke to the sound of knocking on the front door.  Huh, he must have fallen asleep. He grumbled to himself as he got up and forced himself to answer it.  

 

He really shouldn’t have.  Because Dean was standing right there when he opened it.  

 

“Cas, baby, I need you,”  Dean held out his arms. 

 

“Why are you here?” Cas asked, and Dean’s face fell.  

 

“To take you home, sweetheart.”

 

Cas shook his head.  “No, I broke up with you, remember?”

 

“No you didn’t, Cas.”  Dean dropped the sweet attitude, and replaced it with bitter, mean one.  

 

Cas’s heart started beating fast.  “We aren’t in a relationship anymore, Dean.  So you can leave,” Cas tried shutting the door, but Dean held it open.  

 

“You’re coming with me,”  Dean grabbed his wrist, and Cas attempted to shake it off.  

 

“Gabe!” Cas shouted.  “Help!”

 

“You will come with me, because I own you, Castiel.  No one will ever want you, do you hear me? No one will ever want a disgusting rat like you running around their home.”

 

Cas twisted out of Dean’s grip.  It took a lot of courage to say what he was about to say next.     
  


“You know what, Dean!  You might say you love me, but guess what, I hate you!  You hear me? I said I hate you and everything about you!”  Cas punched Dean square in the nose. Blood started pouring down his lip and chin, and Cas shut the door in Dean’s face before he even registered what was happening. 

 

As soon as the door clicked, Cas locked it and pressed his back on the cold wooden surface.  He hadn’t felt so alive since high school. It felt good. 

 

He heard Dean stomp off on the other side, and that is when Gabriel came sleepily down the stairs.  

 

“What is with all the ruckus.  Damn it sounded like an elephant went walking down the steps.  Who was that?”

 

“Dean,”  Gabe’s face twisted into something like disgust, and immediately went for the door, in hopes of being able to punch the bastard and teach him a lesson about even laying a finger on Cassie.  

 

“Don’t worry, I handled it,”  Gabe looked surprised at that.  “I may or may not have punched him in the nose.”

 

Cas smiled. 

 

“I am proud of you, Cassie.  You deserve someone worthy of your greatness, and that sure wasn’t Dean.”

 

“Yeah,” Cas sighed.  He hadn’t smiled as big as he was smiling right now in a long time.  So he kept on smiling. 

 

His big smile made Gabe smile, and they were both smiling like idiots.  

  
  


THE END


End file.
